Toddler Update: 20 Months
Typically my toddler update posts are all about Arya's milestones, but this month I'm taking a second to celebrate a few of my own! Let's talk, mamas. After a small hiatus I've come back to The Mom Life, and now that I'm here I'm going to share with you in the only way I know how. By being real! So many of you reach out to me to me 1:1 to say how much you appreciate my lack of filter, but it's the judgement-free community this site has cultivated that has allowed me to be so raw and messy. Because as I've learned, that's the definition of motherhood! I hope you know that somewhere along the journey of losing ourselves a little to become mothers, we also find ourselves too. And that's what this post is all about -- getting to know the newer, more tired version of yourself. Want some of my truth? After 20 months of being Arya's mom, I'm a different person in more ways than one:
- While I still consider myself a loyal friend, loving wife, and dedicated girl boss, I am not the person who is going to call you back on the phone. I have EVERY intention to but the truth is that I just FORGOT -- and the amount of guilt I feel after I remember (3 days later) is enough to shame me into a hole of regret lol
- If it involves wine, I'm there. I know -- it's so basic, but to moms who can't just drop everything and blow off steam, wine is life. The mere mention of wine brings a level of joy to my soul that cannot be matched. Reward me with wine, and I will show up, show out, and drink you under the table. (Mostly because I also need a nap).
- I have lost my tolerance for bs. It doesn't matter if it's bs from a rude stranger, from another small child I see disobeying a parent in public, or the server at Cheesecake Factory who willingly places breakable objects in front of my toddler -- my filter is permanently broken. Apologies in advance!
- I cannot stand Bubble Guppies, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Sesame Street for another single second -- but if any network executive ever removes either show from the lineup I WILL FIND YOU and it will not be pretty.
You know what else has developed since A was born?
- Mom guilt. It just comes with the territory. Some days it's only faintly noticeable and other days it's all-consuming. On those days where it's crushing me, I'll need a hug and a pat on the back and the reminder that I'm not alone.
- Zero patience for mom shaming. The lines drawn in the sand between stay at home moms and working moms is foolish. It's also designed to divide and conquer, and I can't figure out why we sometimes let it?! Whatever side you're on, can we stop humble bragging about it and start sharing about it more? They're both hard. The end.
- I spread kindness to fellow moms, no matter what. It started as a compulsion and now it's something I simply seek out. Why? Because I wish I could have said more than thank you to every kind woman who has ever held a door or offered a seat or given me a warm smile of knowing.
- Mini internal conversations that I have with myself. You know them well! The topics span from complaining about never being able to sleep in, to feeling bad that I forgot to drop off diaper cream at daycare, to worrying about possible what-if emergencies, to financial planning. The weight of my tiny little world all rests within one long form internal conversation, in my head. It's exhausting!
When I think of the following things, I'm quickly reminded me how much I've changed:
- I can count on two hands the number of close friends I have. I say friends in the more family sense of the word -- the people you ride or die for. The people who know your crazy and share their crazy with you. My people are all different, and all bring something unique to my life. I love them hard and would take a bullet for any of them -- mostly because they don't expect me to call them back! (Kidding lol)
- I can project manage the shit out of our life, but it's a delicately coordinated house of cards. Sometimes all it takes is a strong wind or an extra to-do, and the whole facade crumbles. I've gotten used to starting over, getting back on the horse, pep talking my way up a mountain of things to do. I feel like I should put half the stuff I somehow manage to pull off on my resume lol
- Finding mom friends is gunna be like dating. With less sexual harassment lol One of you has to be the outgoing one that forces the other to go to things. The other has to be the one who speaks up and shares her crazy stories so that the other one can trust her. Both of you have to stop being judgy, or scared to put yourself out there. Eventually you'll settle into a shared pattern of canceling plans and texting for hours on end!
And that's where I'll stop, for now. Because there's a novel of things I've learned about momming over the past 20 months! Most importantly though, I've learned how to be resilient. I've learned to like the new me, even when she's being a total jerk. I've learned to give myself grace, and if you've identified with this post in any way, I'd ask you to do the same for yourself. #MomLife <3